Shared Uncertainty
by Erika
Summary: The Prank changed everything. Sirius realizes that the simplest of things have become complicated when he faces a dilemma regarding whether Remus will want, or even accept, a Christmas present from him. Sequel to Absolution and Not Going to Ask


**Title:** Shared Uncertainty

**Author:** Erika

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** The Prank changed everything. Sirius realizes that the simplest of things have become complicated when he faces a dilemma regarding whether Remus will want, or even accept, a Christmas present from him.

**Timeframe:** Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter are sixth-years.

**Spoilers:** For PoA

**Category:** Something resembling slight angst, kinda silly, kinda pointless, POV

**Disclaimers:** Hogwarts and all of its characters belong to JK Rowling, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed 0). I'm making no money from this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.

**Feedback:** Both positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism are greatly appreciated and will be cherished!

**Archive:** Please ask first. )

**Author's Note: **(1)This is a sequel to "Absolution" and "Not Going to Ask." I _would_ recommend reading them first. They can be found on my website. (2) I apologize in advance for this story…no clue where it came from. It's definitely the low-point of this series (yes, it's a series now).

Things enclosed in 's are _italic_

**

Shared Uncertainty 

**

**Sirius:**

_Remus,_

_I bought you this present before I screwed everything up. We said that we'd work on things and try and be friends again so I thought that I'd send it to you. I'm hoping you'll accept this from me. If not, please send it back by owl._

_Happy Christmas,_

_-Sirius_

It had taken me nearly a half hour to write that note. I had kept rephrasing, adding or taking things away, making sure that I wasn't saying anything wrong. Then I had chickened out. Instead of sending him the present, I had hidden it away in my trunk. It would have been too painful to have it returned unopened. On Christmas Day, when I had received no gift from Remus, I knew I had made the right decision. Not enough time had passed. It would have been like pretending everything was all right again.

We had been back from the holiday break for a month and a half now. I still had the present, with the same note charmed onto the side. What was I going to do with it? I wanted to give it to him. Things had improved between us. He had even told me that I might be able to go with them during the next full moon. We were moving towards real friendship again.

I just…wasn't sure. Would he want a present from me? Would he take it out of politeness, not wanting to damage our relationship further? Or would he not even accept it, thinking that I was trying to push things too quickly?

I had considered asking him. I knew that if I brought it up, he would honestly tell me what he thought I should do with the present. If he wanted it, he'd take it. If he thought he needed more time, he'd let me know. He wouldn't be cruel or abrasive, just truthful. There was one thing of value my mum had taught me though: don't ask a question unless you're ready to hear the answer.

I wasn't ready for him to tell me he didn't want it.

I sighed, growing frustrated with myself. Why was this so complicated? Why couldn't I just give him the present and not worry about his reaction? Because I cared about him. He was my friend. Even if he never trusted me again, I would always think of him like that.

Maybe if I waited until after Remus let me spend a full moon with him. When he trusted me enough to allow me to be with him during his transformations things would have to have improved enough for him to accept a simple gift from me. Right?

"I can't believe you snatched the Snitch from right _between his fingers_!" I heard Peter exclaim as the door to our dorm room banged open and my three friends rushed in.

I glanced down at the present sitting in front of me on the bed. It was too late to hide it. Maybe they wouldn't notice. Right. Because it so subtly blended into my bedspread with its bright, animated Santa Clause wrapping. They'd have to be blind not to see it.

Normally, I would have asked about the Quidditch game. This time, I remained silent. It was obvious that we had won and I didn't want to draw their attention to me. Maybe they – or at least Remus – would leave and I could put the gift away before any damage was done.

"Hey, Sirius, did your parents finally send you a Christmas present?" James asked from across the room.

Or maybe not.

"Er…no. Tell me about the game." Very nice. With that wonderful segue there was no way that they'd conveniently forget about the gift. In fact, if I knew James – and I was reasonably certain that I did – it would only make him more curious to know what it was.

"So, what is it?" he asked, coming to stand beside my bed.

"Um…nothing. It's nothing. Nothing important." It was a good thing I had never wanted to be an actor. When had I become such a terrible liar?

"That's a pretty big box for 'nothing,' Sirius," James laughed, snatching the present from in front of me.

"Hey!" I jumped up and tried to grab it back but my best mate was too quick and easily evaded me. He fled to his side of the room. As I chased him, I shot a glance towards Remus. My quiet friend was sitting on his bed, watching James and I with obvious amusement.

"Give it here!" I snapped at James.

James just kept laughing as he stayed one step ahead of me. He thought I was just fooling around. He didn't realize how serious I was. Shaking his head, he turned the package in his hands and caught sight of the note. Immediately, the humor faded from his eyes. "It's…addressed to Remus." He sounded surprised and remorseful. He hadn't realized what it was. He never would have taken it if he had.

He stopped short and I angrily took the present back from him. Ignoring the silent apology in James' gaze, I turned back to my bed and sat down so that my back was facing the others. I didn't want to meet Remus' eyes. I wasn't sure what he'd be thinking. If he was indifferent, I didn't want to see.

I could _feel_ everyone's eyes on me but I refused to give them my attention. I just wanted them to drop the matter and leave me alone.

Setting the present aside, I picked up a book that was sitting on my nightstand. Not bothering to see what it was, I opened to a random page and pretended to read. I didn't think for a second that they would buy my act but I knew it would get my message across. Eventually, they'd go back to talking about the Quidditch game.

"Come on, Peter," James said quietly from behind me. A few moments later I was surprised when I heard the door shut. Prongs and Wormtail had left the room. Wonderful. James was giving me the opportunity to talk to Remus in private. It was very considerate of him but I had no idea what to say. It all seemed rather silly. I had a present. I wasn't sure if Remus would want it and was afraid of his reaction. There was no reason to be behaving this way.

I continued to stare morosely at my book. Even when the weight on the bed shifted, indicating that Remus had sat down, I didn't look at him. This was foolish. I was acting like a little kid. As if ignoring something would make it disappear. I couldn't help it though. I just didn't know what to say to him.

An eternity of silent minutes ticked by. Remus didn't move, didn't say anything. He just stayed there, waiting. It was something James or Peter never would have done. They were too impatient. Remus probably thought _I_ was too impatient to outwait him. He was right.

Sighing, I shut the book and put it back on the nightstand. Then I turned so that I was facing him. Drawing my knees up to my chest, I met his gaze.

His dark green eyes were curious and kind. An understanding, encouraging smile ghosted his lips.

"I bought your Christmas present a week or so before the Prank. I thought I'd break my yearly ritual of waiting until the last possible moment to go shopping." Glancing down at my hands, I saw that I had picked up the gift without meaning to or even realizing it. Nervously, I fiddled with the bow. "I wanted to send it to you. I meant to send it to you… I just wasn't sure–"

Remus watched me expectantly but didn't try to prompt or rush me.

"I didn't think you'd want it. Things had been so difficult between us until just before break and–" I forced myself to set the box aside. If I didn't, I'd completely destroy the bow and the ribbon would wind up in threads. "You said that you wanted to try and be friends again. You also asked for time. I thought…maybe enough time hadn't passed for you to want a Christmas present from me."

He wasn't looking at me anymore. Or rather, he wasn't _seeing_ me anymore. His focus hadn't shifted but there was a distant look in his eyes. He was lost in thought. He did that often.

"So I kept it. I've been waiting to give it to you. I haven't because I was…scared that you wouldn't even open it." Blushing, I chuckled uneasily. "Stupid, isn't it? That I could make it so…complicated."

Remus frowned and shook his head but he didn't respond. His thoughts still had him in another place.

"Do you–" I cleared my throat. "Do you want it?"

The faraway flicker faded from his gaze. He was completely unreadable to me, though. I couldn't tell what his opinion of all this was. Slowly, Remus rose to his feet and meandered to the foot of his bed. Dropping to his knees, he opened his trunk and pulled out a stack of novels.

Sighing, I seized the book again. I had never expected this reaction from him. I thought he would either take it or refuse. I thought he would either ask me to wait longer or simply accept it now. I had never thought he wouldn't say anything. At all. I didn't understand. He had told me that I might be able to go with him during the next full moon. For Remus, 'maybe,' was as close to 'yes' as you could get without actually saying it. Didn't that mean that–

"Sirius."

I lifted my gaze from the book, which I hadn't even thought to open again. Remus was standing in front of me, holding a small box wrapped in…Christmas paper. It was red with green Christmas trees and reindeer on it. The reindeer had been animated to prance about the trees.

Remus was smiling. "I got as far as giving it to Edyl when I decided that it'd be better to wait." Edyl was his beautiful white owl. "I didn't want you to have the wrong impression…make you think that everything was all right between us again."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. It was funny to think that Remus had had the same problem as me, funny to think that we'd both hidden the Christmas presents away in our trunks, wondering when we should give them to each other.

Still grinning, I picked up the gift I had put on my bed. Simultaneously, we exchanged boxes and set about ripping the wrapping paper away. It was a bit late for the holidays but I was eager to see what Remus had gotten me.

"Happy Christmas, Sirius," Remus whispered just as I moved to lift the lid from the box.

I paused and looked up. His own present was half-unwrapped. His eyes were sparkling. He was obviously pleased. He also seemed relieved. Relieved that we had finally gotten to this point.

I was relieved too. Relieved that this gift-giving business would soon be over and done with. More importantly, I was relieved that I was sharing a moment with Remus that wasn't clouded by my guilt. Amazingly enough, I _didn't_ feel so remorseful now. I knew it would return, just like it always did, but for as long as it lasted, I was just…content.

"Happy Christmas, Remus."

THE END


End file.
